Real Housewives of Atlanta: Got to be real… or not

By Collin Kelley
Editor

Before I even start the recap of tonight’s episode, let me breakdown the Walter and Kenya drama that unfolded last week via radio and social media. Walter Jackson went on V-103 and announced his relationship with Kenya was set up just for filming the new season of Real Housewives. Walter claimed that he and Kenya went out a few times in the past, but when she was cast in RHOA, she called him up and wanted him to act as her boyfriend and potential husband. At the same time, photos of Walter and his current girlfriend started appearing online.

Kenya released a statement saying that Walter’s comments were false and that she was “embarrassed that I allowed a deceitful and hateful person in my life.” Kenya also said she was humiliated by appearing “desperate for a man” (appearing?) and said the truth would come to light. At this writing, Bravo TV hasn’t said anything. Escándalo!

So it’s funny (or maybe just another set up) that tonight’s episode began with Nene commenting that “something about Kenya and Walter’s relationship doesn’t smell good.” Detective Nene goes on to share her thoughts with the rest of the cast while they are all still on vacation in Anguilla. Kenya has been flirting with every man on the island, even backin’ it up on Cynthia’s husband, Peter, and suggesting a threesome with Phaedra and Apollo.

Peter is secretly planning to renew his vows with Cynthia without her troublemaking sister and mother around to try and break them up. Nene’s husband, Gregg, awkwardly offers Peter some viagra. Peter claims he doesn’t need any and wonders why Gregg has the pills. “Oh, they just came through,” an embarrassed Gregg says trying to laugh it off. AWK-ward!

While the men are setting up the wedding on the beach, the housewives treat themselves to massages at a ritzy spa. While there, the ladies turn the pressure up on Kenya about her relationship with Walter. Nene, of course, just puts it out there:  Y’all don’t seem like a couple to me.” And  Kenya, of course, gets defensive and says she “doesn’t give a f-ck what anyone thinks about her relationship.” Nene rolls her eyes, but let’s it go. For the moment.

The ladies finally take Cynthia to the beach and Peter surprises her with the vow renewal ceremony. It all seems awkward (I know, I know… that word keeps coming up) and forced. When Cynthia tosses the bouquet, Nene catches it much to Kenya’s dismay. “I quit,” she yells. Later, when the couples are lighting wish lanterns, Kenya and Walter’s crashes on the beach.

Porsha and Kenya seem to have buried the hatchet, but at a nightcap on the veranda they start re-hashing the fundraiser meltdown when Porsha accidentally said Kenya had won Miss America instead of Miss USA. The re-hash escalates into a screaming match and an almost physical altercation, until Nene steps in and separates them. Kenya keeps screaming that Porsha is “irrelevant” while Porsha calls Kenya ghetto, fake, a Detroit hoodrat, a tramp, a low class whore and a curb ass bitch. Porsha’s grandfather, the late Rev. Hosea Williams, is surely twirling in his grave over this display of gross ratchetry.

Kenya owns up to being ghetto, but also says she’s educated, sophisticated and looks just as good as she did when she won Miss USA nearly 20 years ago (or 55 years if you use Porsha’s math). Then, Kenya starts twirling around in her long evening gown and calling herself “Gone With the Wind fabulous.” Ummm… errr… ooookay.

The always quotable Phaedra sums the evening up thusly: “I feel like I’m caught between Hurricane Katrina and a Georgia tornado.” Preach, sister, preach.