Real Housewives of Atlanta: Gettin’ wiggy with it
Our episode begins as our last one ended: with Shereé and Phaedra meeting to discuss Shereé’s legal woes with her ex, Bob Whitfield. Shereé, not one to follow through, quickly loses interest in anything that takes time and focus, and she likes a scapegoat when things don’t go her way. Phaedra is wise enough to recognize this and turns down further representing Shereé gracefully. The two agree to quit each other, but only in the courtroom.
Cynthia continues to lay on the New York attitude, inviting the other housewives to soak up some culture at her friend’s art gallery. But when your important cultural event takes place at Phipps Plaza, the guests surrounded by colorful sculpture of zoo animals, aren’t you just playing into the pretend city’s hand? At least Shereé remained true to herself, admitting that she loves clothes and shoes and handbags more than something she can hang on a wall. Maybe she can walk over to Nordstrom’s when the wine runs out at the gallery since Chateau Shereé still doesn’t have walls anyway.
It’s finally time for Kim and Kroy to move out of her townhouse and into their McMansion in Roswell. Kim calls in her interior decorator, Kendra, and challenges her to rework all 17,000 square feet of the new house in only a week. Even by reality show timelines, this seems a bit too unreal. Kim and Kendra have the same taste – Versace on Steroids – so Kim is sure Kendra can give the new space the look she wants. (Though she certainly had a saucy way of wishing Kendra well: “Good luck, bitch!”)
When moving day arrives, the only thing we can relate to is that Kim and Kroy hired Two Men and a Truck to transport their stuff. We can’t imagine having a staging team and walking into a finished house right after a move. Sign us up! Kim and the girls are sad to leave the condo where they’ve lived for so long. We are treated to a flashback sequence of Kim’s Bravo memories – quality time with her girls, lesbian relationships, her singing career, Big Poppa, in-home laser treatments with friends and even happy times with NeNe.
Five of Kim’s favorite things are not traveling to the new house in a truck. Meet Kim’s beloved . . . wigs: Dolly, Deborah, Sierra, Farrah and Candy. They’ll be making the move strapped into her SUV with seatbelts for their protection. Hopefully, there’s a second car for Kroy and the kids. Add Brielle, Ariana and KJ to the mix, and maybe Kim is looking for a show staring her own Plus Eight. Picture the delightfully weird cut-aways to the back of that passenger van.
When the family arrives at the new house, the wigs wait in the car, while Kim and crew take a tour of their newly decorated digs. Kendra delivered the Barbie’s Dream House Kim requested, complete with a sitting room, lounge, a study, Kim’s “I love myself” wall and even a baby nursery fit for a Rock Star tot. The house is beyond feminine and even Ariana’s room is incredibly girly. Where are the softball chairs and pictures of chicken? Ariana, it’s like we don’t even know you anymore . . .
After meeting with her manager Don Juan, Kandi decides to heed his advice and get back to the business of writing songs for paying customers. Never one to rest on her laurels, Kandi wants to give writing country tunes a try, and she quickly hooks up with the great Jo Dee Messina to pitch songs she’s working on with her writing partner Lil’ Ronnie. Since both are hard workers who like to push the envelope, Jo Dee and Kandi hit it off and agree to meet up in Nashville for a writing session in the near future.
We first encounter Peter and Cynthia getting ready for a “power couple” photo shoot at BarOne, with “hot celebrity photographer” Drexina Nelson. Apologies, but yes, the quotations are “necessary” sometimes. Before we get to what’s going on inside, did anyone else notice the long police siren during the exterior establishing shot at BarOne? Enough already, Bravo! The location is in a sketchy neighborhood … ours. It’s not Alpharetta; it’s Intown Atlanta, and we love it for all the reasons many of the Real Housewives diss it.
Moving onto the wholly uncomfortable matrimony of Cynthia and Peter, dark clouds seem to be gathering. Cynthia is excited about the opening party for The Bailey Agency School of Fashion. Peter is all too quick to point out that the opening night invitations already needed to be mailed for people receive them in time to RSVP. Fair point. Some might even call it helpful, but any goodwill we’re feeling is immediately erased when Peter spends more time pointing out what Cynthia hasn’t done correctly instead of helping her fix it. While Cynthia chants “team, team, team,” in the background, Peter speed dials sister Mallory and aggressively orders her to come to Cynthia’s aid instead of providing assistance himself. Out of the dark clouds emerges the guy we’ve seen but not recognized until now: Big Peter. There’s no “I” in team, and there’s definitely no “Big Peter” in team either.
Big Peter asserts that Cynthia should “fall on her ass” instead of having his experience to guide her. Big Peter lets his wife launch her first business and stress out without helping. Big Peter goes to a pool party while other people stay late preparing for the opening party. Big Peter’s wife cries the day of her opening, and where is Big Peter? Out doing Big Peter tasks, not providing the loving support that any spouse, much less a new one, should. What’s the deal, Big Peter? Why are you more of a problem than a solution? Where is the Prince Charming who swept Princess Cynthia out of New York City? No wonder she wants to go back.
Big Peter was not riding in on a white horse to help Cynthia with any part of The Bailey Agency party. Unfortunately, this Prince Charming left before the party even ended, before his wife publicly thanked him and before everyone stood around awkwardly waiting on him to be found. During that long pause, we were praying for a toilet flush and an embarrassing moment when Big Peter walked back into the room, drying hands on pants. Big Peter did not oblige. You could feel the tension and collective sigh as everyone realized Big Peter had left the building. Cynthia says later she wanted to share this moment with him and he was nowhere to be found. Sigh. What a Big P-E-T-E-R.
But other than that, The Bailey Agency opening party went off with only a few other hitches, or ahem bitches, along the way. When NeNe arrives at the party on the heels of Kim and Kroy, Marlo gets out a big, ugly spoon to stir the pot, asking Kim if she’s comfortable being in the same room with NeNe. Marlo then finds a sneaky way to work the phrase “Big Poppa” into the conversation by revisiting her discussion with Kandi about how Marlo got her riches – by getting allowances from her various Sugar Daddies. This time, though, Marlo has the gall to accuse Kandi of being a “Big Momma” and financially supporting the young men in her life. If this is Atlanta high society, we’ll gladly meet our friends at the dive bar around the corner instead.
Kim and NeNe didn’t acknowledge each other after being in the same place for the first time in a long while. Kim is the no drama momma. Marlo and Kandi might have a wig pulling moment in their future … or maybe Kandi will get chummy with those country music types and can send them to sing sense into Marlo in between all that Big Poppa-ing she does for a “living”.
Kim gets props for her insightful and self-effacing moment of the night, with a tongue in cheek comment about the main thing she and Marlo have in common – earning a living from their men. For once, Kim has the smarts to make a hasty exit, leaving the other ladies to their usual back-biting ways.